A warning before you read on, this post may ramble, change direction without warning, or otherwise be difficult to follow. The last couple of days have seen so many changes for Domalicious and I. My brain and heart are still playing catch up. It is all so new I have not got a real handle on it all yet. That is partly why I am writing this post, to try to help me get a better handle on all these changes, so I apologize if it ends up being difficult to follow.
I got home a short time ago after taking Domalicious into the city to meet Master. They will be sharing a hotel, spending time getting to know one another better and of course Domalicious will get her first experience serving Master in person. Master has said that I will not be allowed to participate in their first several meetings as they get to know one another and establish their relationship. I am excited for Domalicous, and a bit nervous as well, I hope that it will all work out and that she will be okay.
I am not worried about her being unsafe with Master (well, okay I am just a tiny bit as I always am when she first spends alone time with a new guy), but I am worried that things will move to fast, that she may be overwhelmed, that the sub experience may be emotionally overwhelming for her. From what I have seen of Master I think that he will train her carefully and not give her more than she can handle, but as a sub I know how powerful those emotions can be. Domalicious is already experiencing how strong those emotions can be, she is already developing very strong feelings for Master. I am so in love with Domalicious and I just do not want to see her hurt.
Things are evolving very quickly, which I think is okay, it all feels right, but it is a bit scary too. I am so thrilled to see my wife/owner so happy, she is on cloud nine when she is serving Master. D/s relationships do seem to move faster than vanilla relationships, I suppose due to the way we must open ourselves up in a D/s situation, we get to know each other so intimately so much sooner. I just hope that it does not turn bad suddenly. I trust Domalicous and her judgement in these matters, and we have been discussing it a lot. I think that one thing we both feel strongly about is that, even if things do not work out in the end, this has already been an amazing experience.
I do believe that things will work out. I just have a feeling that all is right. As I said I trust Domalicious, she is a good judge of people and she seems to be very comfortable with Master. I have been allowed access to some of their chats as well and he truly seems like a quality, honorable man.
Something else that is a bit scary to me in this situation is that I am not allowed to know much of what is going on between them. This is something new, as in all her previous relationships Domalicious would allow and even encourage me to read her chats, emails, etc. To be kept in the dark is a bit scary, but I think I understand the need. They need to work on their relationship first and get it established before placing me in the mix. I am sure there is much for them to figure out together as this is the first time Domalicious has submitted to anyone, everything is new to her as well and she does not need to be trying to figure out how to deal with me right now. She needs to be concentrating on finding her place as Master's sub. Did I mentions this was complicated?
As I said earlier I truly love Domalicious and I do not want to see her hurt. The thing is that if this relationship continues there will be times when she will be hurt, and I will have to deal with it. I don't mean hurt in the physical sense, I know that she will experience physical pain at the hands of Master but I do not believe that Master would purposely injure her or give her more pain than he thinks she can handle even as punishment. I am worried about her being hurt emotionally. I am going to have to understand that they have a relationship with each other, respect that, and understand my role in the relationship as a whole. I want to be there to comfort her, but I am not really going to be in a position to interfere with her relationship with her Dom. I mean they are both Dominant over me, I just don't know how this will all play out. She is Masters sub and has chosen to give herself to him, I cannot interfere with that. I am truly beginning to understand what it means to be a sub, a real sub and to truly give up power. Will there be times when I cannot be my wife's protector out of respect for her relationship with Master? There is so much to think about here, and I think so much more to learn about myself, and my wife.
Although she is my wife and I her husband will I still be her primary? I suppose not, which is scary as hell for me. I mean I don't think I will ever lose her, but this is just so different from the poly relationships we have had in the past. She always had control in the past, she was always the Alpha. Now Master is the Alpha.
I think I have just had an epiphany, it is now about trusting Domalicious and in time it will be about truly trusting Master. I think that is what is worrying me so much right now, I don't know Master well enough now, but Domalicious does, and she trusts him. I trust Domalicious and have given myself completely to her, so I will follow her and continue to place my trust in her. I am sure as I get to know Master better that I will grow to trust him as she does as well. In the meantime I must be patient and trust in my owner.
I thought about removing some of the above post after realizing what the problem I was experiencing really was, but I think it is important that I let it stand. I do apologize to Domalicious, and to Master for my lack of trust, I think it is just that so much has happened so quickly that I kind of lost track of that most important part of my submission.
Well, as I was working through the above Domalicious came on chat, and we talked for awhile. She said that everything was going extremely well and that she was very happy! I am so relieved!
Since this relationship is still in it's infancy there is much I do not yet know as far as how the dynamics will actually work, but I know now I just need to be patient and allow it to develop with Master's and Domalicious' guidance. It is a bit scary to be in the dark about so much, but I think I have a better understanding of that now.
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