Long absence

I apologize for being gone from here so long.  There have been some huge changes in my life over the last nine months or so.  I am not sure yet if I will be very active posting her again or not.  There is much I could share here, I'm just not sure if I'm ready for that or not. 

In the meantime, I would like to let those of you who come here know that the website I am involved with Men Submit has a whole new look.  I hope you will go check it out, and I hope that you will find it to your liking.  We have several podcasts out now, you can get them directly from Men Submit, or from Itunes. 

Today I thought I would copy the most recent blog I had posted on Men Submit.

Submissive; know thyself.

Ladies and gentlemen of the FLR world, what I am about to write is probably going to offend and/or piss some of you off.  I am sorry for that, but I think that this needs to be said.  More than just said, it needs to be considered, discussed, mulled over, and (I hope) acted upon.

Before we offer our self to another in a power exchange relationship, including but not limited to a female led relationship, it is vitally important that we know ourselves. This is equally true for both the dominant and the submissive, but in this blog I am going to concentrate on the submissive, because honestly I think we subs have more difficulty facing who we really are.  It is important that, before you give yourself to another, you are aware of what you are giving them.  It is critically important that you are honest with this person you are offering yourself to, and to do that you must be brutally honest with yourself.

It’s important also to realize that we are living, breathing, (hopefully) thinking creatures, and that we are going to be changing over time, but we must be honest with ourselves about who we are, and what we want, at the time that we offer our life to another in a power exchange relationship.

Guys, before we get into these questions, please close the porn windows.  If your horny; go jack off.  You need to consider these questions with a clear mind, and a flaccid dick.

Perhaps the most basic, most important, and (unfortunately for many men) the most difficult question is:  Am I truly submissive? 

With absolutely no scientific data to back this up, nothing really to offer other than observations by myself and others I have talked with over the years, I am going to offer up the wild assed guess that approximately 95% of the men out there who identify as submissive are actually bottoms.

I suppose that since I am throwing these terms out there, I should offer some definition.  Please understand that this is simply my definition for purposes of getting my point across in this blog.

Submissive:  For our purposes here we are going to consider a submissive to be someone who consensually, and willingly allows a dominant to lead them in life.  The submissive follows the dominant not just in the bedroom, not just in a kinky sex scene, not just until he cums, but endeavours to follow in all agreed upon aspects of their life.

Bottom:  We are going to define a bottom as someone who enjoys bottoming, or playing the role of the “submissive” in kinky situations.  This is someone who may enjoy being paddled or pegged, who may even enjoy being ordered to wash the dishes today, but who is not going to find pleasure in washing those dishes every day for the next ten years. 

Gentlemen, it is really important that you take a good hard look at yourself, be brutally honest, and figure out if you are a submissive or a bottom.  One is not better than the other, but they are quite different, and it’s going to be very important for your future happiness that you know which you are. 

Do you really want to give up control of your life?  Are you really willing to follow another, even if it’s not sexy?  Are you willing to do something your really don’t want any part of just because she desires it?  Are you still willing to do that thing even after you’ve ejaculated? 

If you are only submissive as long as she is asking you to do something you already want to do, because it turns you on, or until you have cum, then you are probably a bottom.

Once you have discovered whether you are truly submissive, or a bottom, it’s important that you communicate that clearly with potential partners.  A bottom is not going to be happy trying to fill the role of a submissive.  A submissive is not going to be fulfilled playing the role of a bottom.  In neither case is a dominant going to be happy with a partner who is out of their element, and ultimately both partners are likely to end up unhappy.

If you are a bottom embrace it!  Honestly, I think it is likely going to be easier for a bottom to find a woman who is willing to indulge in kinky sex play while sharing a more egalitarian relationship, than for a submissive to find a woman who is willing to take on the responsibility of being the leader and dominant partner in a relationship. 

If you have decided that you are a submissive then there are a few other questions you should  consider  before you are ready to enter a relationship.

1.       Do you have a genuine desire to serve?  Being submissive and having a genuine desire to serve do not always go hand in hand.  For example, some submissives are drawn more to the control aspects of a power exchange relationship.  Again one way is not better than the other, but it’s important you know what draws you to this type of relationship and that you find a partner who is compatible with your needs.

2.       Are you ready to commit to a relationship?  Relationships are not always easy, they require work from all parties involved.  Just as a vanilla relationship is not all wine and roses, a FLR is not all whips, and cuffs.  Life will get in the way.  There will be times when you will be pissed at each other.  There will be times when you think you have made a huge mistake.  Are you willing to be committed to your partner and to the relationship?  Are you willing to work through the difficult times?  If you are there will be plenty of great times as well.

3.       Are you ready to serve mindfully and in the present?  This something all s types should learn, and it is something that you can be trained for, but it’s a good idea to get a head start on this before you actually get into a relationship.  Learn to be mentally present in the here and now when you are serving.  Don’t be wondering if your dominant is going to paddle or cane you later.  Concentrate on serving them how they wished to be served in this moment.  Be mindful of how you can please them.  Learn their wants, needs, and desires. 

4.       Are you willing to grow and improve as a human being and as a submissive?  Being willing, and better yet eager, to become a better person and a better submissive is going to make you much more attractive as a submissive partner.  It is possible to get into a rut in a FLR just as it is in a vanilla relationship.  Finding ways to improve yourself will allow you to be a part of growing and improving your relationship as well.

I’m sure there are many more questions that we could come up with, but I hope that this will give those of you who are interested in pursuing a female led relationship a starting point.  Be sure that you know what you want, and try to be sure you are ready to fulfil your part in a relationship.  Once you know yourself your chances of successfully finding a FLR are going to be greatly improved.

 

Jealousy

Domalicious was discussing our cuckolding situation with one of her friends recently and the friend was having difficulty understanding how I could deal with jealousy.  Domalicious was unable to explain it to her, so she asked me to give it some thought and try to explain it.  I thought that it would be a good topic for a blog post.

I am not sure if I can express what goes on in my head and heart as a cuckold, but I will make an attempt here.

I think that I should begin by saying that, while I do experience jealousy when being cuckolded, it is generally a rather mild emotion.  Certainly not something that overwhelms me.

Perhaps more interesting is the fact that I do not necessarily find jealousy to be a negative emotion.  With a couple of exceptions the jealousy I have experienced has actually been a turn on for me.  I suppose that jealousy such as this is one of my "triggers" as a submissive.  I am not sure what the genesis of this "trigger" is, but I have had cuckold desires and fantasies since my early teens.  Perhaps I was born wired this way, or perhaps something I was exposed to started me down this path, I cannot say which.

As I said above the jealousy I experience is usually not an overwhelming emotion.  I believe that there a few things that keep the jealousy mild.

First is that I feel that Domalicious and I have a very strong marriage.  I know her love for me is very powerful, and I do not think that is going to change just because she has sex with another man.

Secondly, I have come to the realization that even if Domalicious falls in love with another man it does not mean that she will love me less.  Love is not a finite thing.  It is not like she must take a portion of love from me in order to give it to another man, or woman for that matter.

Third, a large part of my desire to be cuckolded is so that Domalicious can experience more pleasure in her life.  I wish her to enjoy sexual experiences that I am not equipped, in one way or another, to give her.  I wish for her to get the most joy and pleasure out of this life possible, I believe that she deserves it.  Jealousy just does not come into play with this part of the cuckolding experience.

Fourth, most of the men she has, or has considered, cuckolding me with offer something very different from what I give her.  Most have not been submissive.  They are not going to give themselves to her in the same way that I have.  They are not going to offer her the same love, devotion, service, etc that I give her.  With the non-submissive men I don't feel the same competitiveness that I have with the few other subs that she has considered.

Fifth, I believe that I am an emotional masochist.  I somehow get turned on by the jealousy and humiliation I experience as a cuckold.  I am not sure how or why I react in such a way to these experiences, but it is definitely a sexual and submissive trigger for me.  We are all different, perhaps I am more different than most, but somehow for me these emotions that are such negatives for most people turn me on and make me happy.

There have been a few times I have felt overwhelming jealousy.

Usually this has been when she was considering other subs.  In these cases it has generally been triggered by her comparing the other sub to me, and finding me lacking.  I do have an ego, and I am just a tiny bit competitive.  It was very difficult to deal with having another submissive please her more than I.  When this has happened I have fortunately just buckled down and tried harder to be more pleasing to her.  I try to remember that I should put her happiness first, and not allow my ego to rule me.  This is not as easy to put into practice as it is to put into words.

The one time I experienced overwhelming jealousy of a non-submissive man was when she developed very strong feelings very quickly for a dominant man.  She submitted to him very quickly, and was experiencing very powerful feelings for this man.  Things moved so quickly that I had a difficult time processing everything.  It took a little time for me to come to terms with the jealousy I experienced in this situation.  I had to spend a lot of time thinking about what I was feeling.  Domalicious and I also kept communicating, and she was very good about reassuring me that she loved me and that her feelings for me had not changed as she developed new feelings toward this man.  I also had some good talks with AlphaDomme at this time, and she helped me work through my negative feelings.

I do think that is a good idea to have someone who know you well that you can talk with when negative feelings come along in a cuckolding situation.  AlphaDomme has been a great listener and has give me terrific council during my journey.

I hope that this will perhaps help others to understand why I am able to enjoy the cuckolding experience so much.  The combination of my desire for my wife to be as happy as possible and my pleasure in the emotions I experience make it an absolutely wonderful experience for me.

Having fun!

We had a terrific time at our first San Diego Munch.  We met some great people.  It was so much fun to able to talk about our lives and our kinks with others who understand.  It was a fun and inclusive group.  I am excited about having another Munch soon.  Domalicious and I will talk it over and try to get one scheduled.

Things have been pretty crazy around here lately.  Domalicious is up to her eyeballs in men and she is loving it.  She has reconnected with some men from her past and connected with some new guys.  One of the new guys she has taken on as a sub.  I have been loving it as well, it makes me very happy to see her enjoying herself so much.

I had a talk with Domalicious today, a free talk, where I am allowed to speak about things without worrying about topping from the bottom or getting in trouble otherwise.  I told Domalicious that I have been feeling more like her sissy and that I wanted to move more in that direction as her sub.  It went well, she understood, and even took me shopping for panties today.  I got several new pairs of panties, very pretty and girly.  I'm so excited about it.  It was fun shopping for them she was pretty open about it.  She was asking what size I needed and if I liked this pair or that pair better.  I ended up getting an erection in the aisle as we were choosing them.

I also talked with her about shaving my nether regions again.  She had me stop shaving a while back, she knows I dislike having hair there.  I knew she was playing with and testing me.  She told me she was very pleased that I had not said anything about it, that I had just accepted it.  She also told me that I had earned a reward.  I don't know yet what the reward will be, but just having her pleased with me was great.  She said I will be hairless there again soon.  I am not entirely sure when that will be, or what it means.  She has mentioned waxing and the epillator so I am worried that it may be a bit painful getting rid of that hair.  At this point I am ready for even that though.  I really hate having that hair.  I would love to completely hairless below the neck, but the hair in the groin area bothers me particularly.

We also went shopping for some new adult toys, butt plugs, a dildo for her strap-on harness that will penetrate us both, a cock ring, and some nipple jewelry.  Can't wait to play with the new goodies!

Men Submit Munch

The details for our Men Submit Southern California Munch have been set.  The munch will be held this Friday, June 6th, at 6:00pm in Carlsbad, CA.  You can find details at Men Submit under the events section.  Please RSVP on Men Submit if you would like to attend.  AlphaDomme, Domalicious and myself will be attending, we look forward to meeting others in the SoCal area interested in FLRs.  Hope to see you there!

Punishment and planning a Munch

I've had quite a busy weekend.  I had got in some trouble over forgetting to hang Domalicious' laundry on the line to dry, so as punishment I was required to completely clean and organize the laundry room.  The laundry room had kind of got away from us over the past year and a half since Domalicous got hurt, so it was a pretty big job.  Domalicious also wanted the bath that is next to the laundry room cleaned, this wasn't required as part of my punishment, but I thought I would take it on as well since they are attached.  It was quite a job, I of course still had plenty of ther things I needed to take care of as well so I was kept quite busy.  Domalicious will be inspecting things sometime today, I hope that it will pass.


We are also working on putting a Men Submit munch together in the San Diego area, it will probably be held July 6th or 7th.  Keep an eye on the events section of Men Submit if you are interested in attending, it should be fun.


Sooo....The paragraphs above were a blog that I had written and submitted to Domalicious for approval on Monday.  I am requred to get approval from Domalicious before posting any blogs.  The above was not approved by Domalicious, I will copy what she told me below, I thought that it might interest readers to see a bit of our dynamic at work, then again perhaps it will not interest readers at all. hahaha


Domalicious said:


"A little sparse.  No mention of how you felt serving me, punishment, pain, fulfillment, etc.  You may NOT publish.  Work some more baby"


So here we go, I will see if I can address her concerns here.


To be honest, when she saw that I had not hung her laundry up and she was upset with me, I was pretty unhappy.  I was upset with myself, mostly, for not having remembered.   However, I was also upset with her for getting after me.  I had had a rough few days, life was getting to me in a big way, and I was not dealing with it well.  I felt like I badly needed a break, like there was too much being put on me, and that it was not that big a deal if I forgot to hang her damn laundry up.  After all I could always rewash it and hang it up the next morning.  That was part of what was going through my head, not something I am proud of, but it's the truth.  There was other stuff going through my head as well though.  That was the part that liked how she was holding me accountable and how she was going to punish me for not doing what she had told me to do.


Initially the punishment was going to be that I would have to sleep that night, on the floor, in the laundry room. I am kind of proud that I accepted my punishment graciously,. and was willing to take it like a good sub.  Domalicious was merciful to me though, she knew I was past the point of exhaustion and desperately in need of sleep, so she changed the punishment to cleaning and organizing the laundry room and even gave me through the weekend to get it done.


I was grateful; for the modification, and just a bit disappointed.  It's funny but in a way I was looking forward to the discomfort of the original punishment.


Well, I worked all weekend.  I still had to do all the other stuff I normally do as well, and I think did a pretty good job.  It was hard work, and hot.  The laundry room is on the end of the house and the air conditioner has very little effect on it, so that was a bit miserable at times.  It was also quite an undertaking since it had not really been cleaned in ages.  I enjoyed the work for the most part, it kind of re-enforced my submission to Domalicious.  Between that re-enforcement and getting a bit of rest, I am in a better place mentally again (although my stability in that better place may be a bit precarious yet).


Unfortunately there were kids around while I was working so I couldn't be naked.  I couldn't even wear a maids outfit.  There were no nipple clamps involved, not butt plug, and Domalicious didn't stop by to paddle my behind even once, but it was supposed to be punishment after all.  Ah well, maybe someday.


So that is how things went, I am so glad that I have been able to get a little more rest and be in a somewhat better mental and emotional state.  To me that is one of the biggest struggles with our FLR.  When life gets in the way, as it has in a huge way for Domalicious and I over the past year and a half, I find it very difficult to keep a properly submissive attitude.  It is something I am working on, but I truly struggle when I become physically exhausted, it becomes so difficult to deal with the mental and emotional strain that I find myself under at those times.  These pressures don't come from our FLR but they certainly effect it.

Men Submit podcasts!

We now have podcasts available on the  Men Submit website (just click on "Podcasts" on the navigation bar near the top of the page), you can download them there or from ITunes.  There are four podcasts available so far, with more in the works.  Hope you will check them out.

A visit from AlphaDomme and betaboy.

It's been quite a while since I have updated this blog, but life has got in the way and I have had more important things that needed my attention.  Domalicious' recovery is continuing, we are keeping quite busy trying to get her well again.  Spring has sprung and that has kept me busy trying to maintain our little property, it is also a busy time of year for my work.  All in all we have been a bit overwhelmed and when I have had spare time I have just felt the need to relax and regroup a bit rather than maintain this blog.  I have not even had much time (or energy) to help with the Men Submit website, although I am trying to check in there regularly.  If things slow down somewhat I will try to be more regular with my updates here.

Domalicious and Master Have called it quits.  I will not go into details, if Domalicious wishes she can share regarding that.  I will say that neither of us have any regrets, it was a fantastic experience for us both.

The most exciting thing lately for us is a visit from AlphaDomme and betaboy.  It was great to see AlphaDomme again, and to meet betaboy.  For those of you who may not know I am married to and owned by Domalicious, who gave her best friend AlphaDomme ownership rights to me as well   It was very excited to be naked in front of both my owners last night and they were kind enough to give my behind a good warming with various toys.  They also had some fun with a T.E.N.S. unit attached to my privates, and there was a nipple pinching contest as well.  This was betaboys first experience serving the two of them together, they are both wonderful and creative Dommes on their own, but when they are together it is almost scary.  They have so much fun coming up with their little games, it was great fun to see how amused they were and how much fun they had teasing and playing with betaboy and I.

I would like to thank Domalicious and AlphaDomme, it was really great to have that play, and just to spend some time with them visiting and relaxing.  After all the stress and challenges I have been dealing with lately, the time with them and betaboy was just what I needed and the fact that I was able to be with both my owners made it much more special for me.