Jealousy

Domalicious was discussing our cuckolding situation with one of her friends recently and the friend was having difficulty understanding how I could deal with jealousy.  Domalicious was unable to explain it to her, so she asked me to give it some thought and try to explain it.  I thought that it would be a good topic for a blog post.

I am not sure if I can express what goes on in my head and heart as a cuckold, but I will make an attempt here.

I think that I should begin by saying that, while I do experience jealousy when being cuckolded, it is generally a rather mild emotion.  Certainly not something that overwhelms me.

Perhaps more interesting is the fact that I do not necessarily find jealousy to be a negative emotion.  With a couple of exceptions the jealousy I have experienced has actually been a turn on for me.  I suppose that jealousy such as this is one of my "triggers" as a submissive.  I am not sure what the genesis of this "trigger" is, but I have had cuckold desires and fantasies since my early teens.  Perhaps I was born wired this way, or perhaps something I was exposed to started me down this path, I cannot say which.

As I said above the jealousy I experience is usually not an overwhelming emotion.  I believe that there a few things that keep the jealousy mild.

First is that I feel that Domalicious and I have a very strong marriage.  I know her love for me is very powerful, and I do not think that is going to change just because she has sex with another man.

Secondly, I have come to the realization that even if Domalicious falls in love with another man it does not mean that she will love me less.  Love is not a finite thing.  It is not like she must take a portion of love from me in order to give it to another man, or woman for that matter.

Third, a large part of my desire to be cuckolded is so that Domalicious can experience more pleasure in her life.  I wish her to enjoy sexual experiences that I am not equipped, in one way or another, to give her.  I wish for her to get the most joy and pleasure out of this life possible, I believe that she deserves it.  Jealousy just does not come into play with this part of the cuckolding experience.

Fourth, most of the men she has, or has considered, cuckolding me with offer something very different from what I give her.  Most have not been submissive.  They are not going to give themselves to her in the same way that I have.  They are not going to offer her the same love, devotion, service, etc that I give her.  With the non-submissive men I don't feel the same competitiveness that I have with the few other subs that she has considered.

Fifth, I believe that I am an emotional masochist.  I somehow get turned on by the jealousy and humiliation I experience as a cuckold.  I am not sure how or why I react in such a way to these experiences, but it is definitely a sexual and submissive trigger for me.  We are all different, perhaps I am more different than most, but somehow for me these emotions that are such negatives for most people turn me on and make me happy.

There have been a few times I have felt overwhelming jealousy.

Usually this has been when she was considering other subs.  In these cases it has generally been triggered by her comparing the other sub to me, and finding me lacking.  I do have an ego, and I am just a tiny bit competitive.  It was very difficult to deal with having another submissive please her more than I.  When this has happened I have fortunately just buckled down and tried harder to be more pleasing to her.  I try to remember that I should put her happiness first, and not allow my ego to rule me.  This is not as easy to put into practice as it is to put into words.

The one time I experienced overwhelming jealousy of a non-submissive man was when she developed very strong feelings very quickly for a dominant man.  She submitted to him very quickly, and was experiencing very powerful feelings for this man.  Things moved so quickly that I had a difficult time processing everything.  It took a little time for me to come to terms with the jealousy I experienced in this situation.  I had to spend a lot of time thinking about what I was feeling.  Domalicious and I also kept communicating, and she was very good about reassuring me that she loved me and that her feelings for me had not changed as she developed new feelings toward this man.  I also had some good talks with AlphaDomme at this time, and she helped me work through my negative feelings.

I do think that is a good idea to have someone who know you well that you can talk with when negative feelings come along in a cuckolding situation.  AlphaDomme has been a great listener and has give me terrific council during my journey.

I hope that this will perhaps help others to understand why I am able to enjoy the cuckolding experience so much.  The combination of my desire for my wife to be as happy as possible and my pleasure in the emotions I experience make it an absolutely wonderful experience for me.