In the meantime, I would like to let those of you who come here know that the website I am involved with Men Submit has a whole new look. I hope you will go check it out, and I hope that you will find it to your liking. We have several podcasts out now, you can get them directly from Men Submit, or from Itunes.
Today I thought I would copy the most recent blog I had posted on Men Submit.
Submissive; know thyself.
Ladies and gentlemen of the FLR world, what I am about to
write is probably going to offend and/or piss some of you off. I am sorry for that, but I think that this
needs to be said. More than just said,
it needs to be considered, discussed, mulled over, and (I hope) acted upon.
Before we offer our self to another in a power exchange
relationship, including but not limited to a female led relationship, it is
vitally important that we know ourselves. This is equally true for both the
dominant and the submissive, but in this blog I am going to concentrate on the
submissive, because honestly I think we subs have more difficulty facing who we
really are. It is important that, before
you give yourself to another, you are aware of what you are giving them. It is critically important that you are
honest with this person you are offering yourself to, and to do that you must
be brutally honest with yourself.
It’s important also to realize that we are living,
breathing, (hopefully) thinking creatures, and that we are going to be changing
over time, but we must be honest with ourselves about who we are, and what we
want, at the time that we offer our life to another in a power exchange
relationship.
Guys, before we get into these questions, please close the
porn windows. If your horny; go jack
off. You need to consider these
questions with a clear mind, and a flaccid dick.
Perhaps the most basic, most important, and (unfortunately
for many men) the most difficult question is:
Am I truly submissive?
With absolutely no scientific data to back this up, nothing
really to offer other than observations by myself and others I have talked with
over the years, I am going to offer up the wild assed guess that approximately
95% of the men out there who identify as submissive are actually bottoms.
I suppose that since I am throwing these terms out there, I
should offer some definition. Please
understand that this is simply my definition for purposes of getting my point
across in this blog.
Submissive: For our
purposes here we are going to consider a submissive to be someone who consensually,
and willingly allows a dominant to lead them in life. The submissive follows the dominant not just
in the bedroom, not just in a kinky sex scene, not just until he cums, but endeavours
to follow in all agreed upon aspects of their life.
Bottom: We are going
to define a bottom as someone who enjoys bottoming, or playing the role of the
“submissive” in kinky situations. This
is someone who may enjoy being paddled or pegged, who may even enjoy being
ordered to wash the dishes today, but who is not going to find pleasure in
washing those dishes every day for the next ten years.
Gentlemen, it is really important that you take a good hard
look at yourself, be brutally honest, and figure out if you are a submissive or
a bottom. One is not better than the
other, but they are quite different, and it’s going to be very important for
your future happiness that you know which you are.
Do you really want to give up control of your life? Are you really willing to follow another,
even if it’s not sexy? Are you willing
to do something your really don’t want any part of just because she desires
it? Are you still willing to do that
thing even after you’ve ejaculated?
If you are only submissive as long as she is asking you to
do something you already want to do, because it turns you on, or until you have
cum, then you are probably a bottom.
Once you have discovered whether you are truly submissive,
or a bottom, it’s important that you communicate that clearly with potential
partners. A bottom is not going to be
happy trying to fill the role of a submissive.
A submissive is not going to be fulfilled playing the role of a
bottom. In neither case is a dominant
going to be happy with a partner who is out of their element, and ultimately
both partners are likely to end up unhappy.
If you are a bottom embrace it! Honestly, I think it is likely going to be
easier for a bottom to find a woman who is willing to indulge in kinky sex play
while sharing a more egalitarian relationship, than for a submissive to find a
woman who is willing to take on the responsibility of being the leader and
dominant partner in a relationship.
If you have decided that you are a submissive then there are
a few other questions you should consider
before you are ready to enter a relationship.
1.
Do you have a genuine desire to serve? Being submissive and having a genuine desire
to serve do not always go hand in hand.
For example, some submissives are drawn more to the control aspects of a
power exchange relationship. Again one
way is not better than the other, but it’s important you know what draws you to
this type of relationship and that you find a partner who is compatible with
your needs.
2.
Are you ready to commit to a relationship? Relationships are not always easy, they
require work from all parties involved.
Just as a vanilla relationship is not all wine and roses, a FLR is not
all whips, and cuffs. Life will get in
the way. There will be times when you
will be pissed at each other. There will
be times when you think you have made a huge mistake. Are you willing to be committed to your
partner and to the relationship? Are you
willing to work through the difficult times?
If you are there will be plenty of great times as well.
3.
Are you ready to serve mindfully and in the
present? This something all s types
should learn, and it is something that you can be trained for, but it’s a good
idea to get a head start on this before you actually get into a
relationship. Learn to be mentally
present in the here and now when you are serving. Don’t be wondering if your dominant is going
to paddle or cane you later. Concentrate
on serving them how they wished to be served in this moment. Be mindful of how you can please them. Learn their wants, needs, and desires.
4.
Are you willing to grow and improve as a human
being and as a submissive? Being
willing, and better yet eager, to become a better person and a better
submissive is going to make you much more attractive as a submissive
partner. It is possible to get into a
rut in a FLR just as it is in a vanilla relationship. Finding ways to improve yourself will allow you
to be a part of growing and improving your relationship as well.
I’m sure there are many more questions that we could come up
with, but I hope that this will give those of you who are interested in
pursuing a female led relationship a starting point. Be sure that you know what you want, and try
to be sure you are ready to fulfil your part in a relationship. Once you know yourself your chances of
successfully finding a FLR are going to be greatly improved.
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