Baby Steps

Men seem to expect that, once they have told their wife/gf of their desire to submit, she should suddenly become the Dominatrix of their fantasies. Why can't their wife/gf see that if she would just be more domineering; just give them orders instead of requests; just spank them as punishment instead of becoming all moody and pouting; everything would be wonderful? After all, if we are going to submit we need to be dominated right?

I have read this kind of thing over and over. Gentlemen do you realize that all of those statements above are about us? There is nothing there to appeal to the women we claim we want to put on a pedestal and treat like a queen. To them it just sounds like we are looking for kinky bedroom games.

The women wonder why the men are so fantasy driven. How can the men expect them to change, to become this person they are not, and don't want to be? If the men really want to pamper and adore their lady, why are they always trying to make it a kink thing? If the woman is really in charge, and she doesn't want to spank her man, why does he keep trying to push her into it? Why cant't he accept her leadership, as he claims he desires, but instead keeps trying to push her into providing him with his idea of what leadership should be?

Well, as has been pointed out many times before, most of us sub guys have had these desires for years. We have fantasized, maybe even played at them a bit, and they have evolved greatly over time. For the women we reveal our desires to this tends to be a new idea, or one that they have only vague ideas about. It is all too easy for us to overwhelm our lady with our excitement, and with our lack of understanding of their perspective at suddenly having this idea thrust upon them.

I think that we men need to learn to take baby steps when we are introducing our S.O.s to the FLR concept. Of course some women will be more open to the idea than others, and we all have to move at our own pace, but I think that often the men push to hard.

I think that men also need to learn to take pleasure and satisfaction in the little things along the way. Things like your S.O. telling you to get coffee some morning, or even chastising you a bit if you weren't quick enough with it. While it is not a flogging, little things like this do show that our women are becoming more comfortable with being in charge. We need to realize that these are small successes, and keep ourselves motivated to continue to pamper and adore her.

I also think that we need to shelve our fantasies a bit, and learn to really listen to her. My wife and I are in a fully acknowledged FLR, and have been for some time. Even so, she seldom actually gives me what most people would consider an order. She may say, "May I have another cup of coffee?" The fact is she may as well be saying, "Get me more coffee now slave-bitch!" You see both statements mean exactly the same thing. If we as subs could just understand that and stop pushing our S.O.s to dominate us in the way we want to be dominated we would be light years ahead.

It is not that men's needs, fantasies, and desires are not important, of course they are. However, if we can learn to put her first for awhile she is going to be much more open to exploring our desires. If we can support her, be grateful for the little steps she takes toward taking charge of our relationships, and stop pushing her beyond her comfort zone she is much more likely to embrace leadership.

I am not endorsing stealth submission here, please don't get that idea. I believe that we must be honest and open with our S.O.s. Communication is very important, we need to be clear about our desire to submit. We do need to allow her to move at a pace she is comfortable with though, and we also need to minimize the kink references/requests until she is ready to hear them.

Treat her like a queen and she will, sooner or later, begin to act like one.