Recently I brought up, with Domalicious, my desire for certain activities that I feel help me to stay in a more submissive state of mind.  Domalicious wanted me to write about that, so here goes.

As I posted on the Men Submit forum recently, I am convinced that there is a chemical/hormonal component to submissiveness.  I believe that certain things will trigger the release of something in a subs system that causes them to feel more submissive.  I suppose that the triggers will vary from individual to individual.  For me, many kink and service activities cause me to feel more submissive.  

Without going into details, Domalicious and I have been in a life situation in which we have not been able to engage in as many play/kink sessions as we would like.  At times I found myself struggling to be the subhub I feel Domalicious deserves because I was just not feeling that submissive.  I still had my desire to serve and care for her, but I didn't always have that lovely submissive desire to grovel at her feet.  I wanted to get that desire back.  As I wrote in my previous blog, Domalicious recently decided to take our D/s relationship to the next level and I felt that it would be a real struggle for me if I was not able to capture and maintain that strong submissive desire.  Since Domalicious is often not feeling up to engaging in play recently I felt that I needed to find ways to increase my submissive desires that would not over-tax her.

I was nervous about approaching Domalicious regarding this.  I know that most women, Domalicious included, tend to think that men are often too much about the kink and fantasy D/s aspects of a FLR, that we make it too much about us and not enough about the female.  While I understand this point of view (and agree with it often), I sometimes think that women do not fully understand how necessary it is that we subs are in the proper state of mind, or the value of our fantasies/kinks in getting us into that state.  Again, I think that there is a chemical component to this.  We men do have a propensity for overdoing our fantasies, but in this case I was not asking for some outlandish fantasy, instead I wanted to try to incorporate some kink actions into my everyday activities that I hoped would help trigger and strengthen my submissive desires.

When Domalicious told me that she was taking our relationship to the next level she presented me with a list of duties and rules that I would be expected to carry out and follow.  She told me that I was to edit and add to the list, then present it to her for approval.  What I hoped to do was to add a strong submissive/sexual aspect to certain of these duties in the hope that it would trigger the feelings I was hoping to achieve.  For example one of my duties is to make the bed each morning, I asked that it be a requirement that I am nude and wearing nipple clamps while I do this.  This doesn't require any effort on Domalicious' part, yet it adds a strong sexual aspect to what would otherwise be a mundane chore.  We now have a few activities where I have similar requirements, and it does seem to be working.  I look forward to these chores even (perhaps especially) when I am feeling stressed or overwhelmed.  I find it helps me relax and to feel more like the submissive husband I want to be.

We have also begun a bedtime ritual that I have found helpful.  We used to play almost every night, but now Domalicious is not always up for play.  She is often too tired, and just wishes to read, or spend a little time on the computer before going to sleep.  This was rather difficult for me, I missed the stimulation of our play each night.  I asked Domalicious if she would be willing to allow me to take matters into my own hand a bit as we were going to bed.  One of my new duties is to write in a journal, that Domalicious presented me with, each night.  I now wear nipple clamps as I write my entry.  Also, if Domalicious is not going to be up for play that night, I am allowed to keep the nipple clamps on and masturbate (without ejaculating) while she is doing her thing.  She will occasionally give the nipple clamps a tug, or tease me a bit while I am stroking.  This requires minimal effort on her part.  There are several aspects to this that help keep my sub desires primed, the pure sexual frustration from masturbating without climax, the pain from the nipple clamps as well as her tugs, slaps, etc. and there is a bit of a humiliation factor with masturbating while she watches and teases me.  I should add that I feel my first duties is to my wife.  I do not just go flop down in bed in the evening, put nipple clamps on, and start wanking.  I try to make sure that I have done everything I can to make Domalicious happy and content.  Only when it is time to wind down and relax before we go to sleep, when I have done my duty to my wife, do I take myself in hand and even then I realize that it is only with her permission, she is in charge.

So, this is what we are trying now, it seems to be working well.  These activities do seem to be helping me to maintain my submissive feelings and desire during a time that has been very stressful and overwhelming.

The next step

Domalicious has decided to take things up a notch in our FLR.  She has taken more control, and assigned me more duties.  I am quite excited about this, though I know it will be (and already has been) much more challenging.  So far it has been been great, I feel like I am more securely in my place.  


We have come up with a code so that when I begin to get out of line she can put me back in my place, even in public.  There are code words, each additional word letting me know that I have crossed the line even further, and so when I hear one or more of these words I know it is time to give her a "Yes Ma'am." and fall back in step with her.  I am hopeful that this will help me to be a better subhub for her.


I also have daily and weekly duties now.  It's not easy to keep up with all these, but I feel a great deal of satisfaction when I do please her with my efforts.


There has also been more physical punishment involved when I step out of line, which I appreciate as it seems to help motivate as much as correct me.


One of my daily duties is to keep a journal, detailing my feelings and thoughts, which Domalicious reads at her convenience.  This has already been a help to us, Domalicious has a much better idea of what is going on in my heart and head, since I often find it easier to write about, rather than talk about my feelings.


I will try to update occasionally as things progress.

Random thoughts from a feeble mind.

So here's the deal....Ms Exotic had been out of town for a couple of days....I am missing her....The weather is miserable, cold and windy so I don't feel up to doing anything outside....There is much I should be doing around the house, but honestly I just am not in the mood....So my mind has been rambling and I realized I haven't updated my blog for a while....Thus, I thought I might write some of these ramblings down and if they aren't too ridiculous (Ms Exotic will be the judge of that) post them.

Subsexual????  
Is submissiveness another form of sexuality?  There are heterosexuals, homosexuals, bisexuals, transsexuals,etc.  Why not subsexuals?  My submissiveness is such a huge part of my sexuality it really cannot be separated from it.  I would have sex with a man if my wife wished me to, in fact I would find it quite exciting.  Does that make me bisexual; or am I subsexual?  I have no desire to have sex with a man without my wife involved in some way, but throw a little D/s into the mix, with my wife being the "D", and I am quite excited by the prospect.  I am not sure why I have been thinking about this so much, since I am somewhat opposed to labels as a general rule, I must be really bored.

Is kink addictive?  
I suppose I could do a little research on this, there may have been studies looking into this, but I am feeling too lazy so I will just sit here and ponder.  From my own experience I think it may be.  In fact I may be experiencing a bit of "kink withdrawl" right now due to Ms Exotic's absence, perhaps that is the reason for these musings.  I would hate to return to a completely vanilla sex life, I do not think I would find it fulfilling now.  I think that Ms Exotic feels the same way, kink seems to have become quite important to her as well.  I suppose that, like a smoker, we could quit but we would always be desirous of another cigarette.

Domestic discipline keeping the submissive flame burning:  
I am sure that the importance of domestic discipline varies from couple to couple, but for me I think it is very important.  That submissive fire that burns inside me does ebb and flow.  At times it is a raging inferno, occasionally it is a tiny glowing spark.  When that flame begins to die down I need it fanned and one of the best ways to do that is through discipline.  Of course discipline is not the only way, but it is a lovely way as far as I am concerned.  Fortunately for me Ms Exotic fans my flame like no woman I have ever known, but still life gets in the way at times.  I fantasize about being in a life situation where Ms Exotic could paddle my behind whenever I stepped out of line.  Of course our life is not that way, but a sub can dream can't he?

Worshiping the Goddess keeping the Domme fires burning:  
This is as, or more, important as keeping those sub fires burning and something I am occasionally (okay maybe to often to just say occasionally) guilty of failing at.  I don't just mean oral worship, though that can certainly be a part of it, but I mean treating her like your queen.  I have often given men, who want to get their wives interested in a FLR, the advice to treat her like a queen and eventually she will begin to act like one.  Again life often gets in the way, but it is so important to treat our wives like queens, goddesses, and dommes, if that is what we wish them to be.

Well Ms Exotic will be home soon (hooray!) so I had better send this to her email for approval to post, and figure out what I am making for dinner.