Well, if you read the forum on Men Submit you will know that Ms Exotic and I recently hit a bump on the relationship highway. We are well again, and our journey is continuing, hopefully we can avoid such obstacles in the future or if unable to avoid them continue to over come them. I would like to thank Ms Erotic for her help to both of us during this time, you are a true friend.
I am going to share with you what happened, and what I have learned, I hope that it may help others. I also hope that it will help me. When you write about something like this it forces you to give it some serious thought, not that I have not been doing so already, but I am sure that is one reason Ms Exotic has directed me to do this.
A little background leading up to the actual "incident" first. As all of us who have been in FLRs for any length of time know, life sometimes gets in the way. Well, life has gotten in the way big time for me recently.
I have a new project at work that has required a tremendous amount of my time. I have had to work 6-7 days a week, most days I have had to work a minimum of 12 hours with quite a few longer days, 16-20 hours, thrown in there. It's been a very high stress project, something totally new to me, with pressure for results coming at me from one of the customers. Thankfully that pressure from the customer has calmed a bit recently. It's not been all bad, I have loved the challenge, and learning new things, it has been extremely interesting. However, I have been exhausted and pre-occupied much of the time when home.
Added to the work situation was a health issue with Ms Exotic. She was injured recently and has been unable to do much for herself or the family. Pretty much everything had fallen on my shoulders, and I did not handle it as well as I could have. I also got into a head space where I was feeling a bit sorry for myself, really stressed out, and seemed never to be able to take any time to unwind and relax.
Also the failings on my part did exist before all this happened, these events just exacerbated already existing weaknesses.
I am not a good communicator, and I'm a terrible conversationalist. I am also not very good at showing my feelings, neither through speaking nor physically. I am not very good at giving hugs, kisses, or just giving someone a loving touch, at least not through the course of the day when I have other things on my mind. I tend to become too focused on what I need to get done, and giving my wife a hug as I walk by unfortunately just doesn't enter my mind when I am so overwhelmed.
I am pretty good at serving my wife, even when I am tired and overwhelmed I do my best to see that she has everything she needs and is well taken care of, except for emotionally. One problem I have is that I don't always give the impression that I am happy to be serving her. I don't even realize I am doing it, but as Ms Exotic pointed out I sometimes act bothered when she asks me for things. It is not that I am bothered by her asking, I am bothered that I am stretched so thin right now. I am not good at multi-tasking, so if I am in the middle of something and am interrupted it is sometimes difficult for me to get back on track. This is apparently a rather common problem with men, as pointed out in the book Why Mars and Venus Collide (by John Gray), which Ms Erotic sent me to read. I was giving Ms Exotic the impression that I was not happy to be doing things for her, which was not the case at all. It was terrible communication on my part, I wanted to take care of her, it was just my exasperation about the situation I found myself in, and stress. I should have made it clear to her that I was happy to take care of her. I should have given her a hug, or touch, or just sat with her a moment and talked when I would bring her a drink, or food, but instead I would rush back to what I was doing previously.
I also miscommunicated my desires to her. She had pointed out that I didn't seem interested in kink play, and I told her that at the time I really wasn't. By the time we were able to get to bed I was just so tired that any play really didn't appeal to me. I just wanted to perhaps cuddle a bit and get some much needed sleep. I gave her the impression that I was no longer interested in kink. What I failed to communicate was that kink just didn't appeal to me at the moment, not that I wanted to be done with kink forever. I also should have been more in tune for her need for play, I didn't realize how important kink has become for her.
The straw that broke the camel's back was when she asked me to do some silly little thing for her when we went to bed one night. I was exhausted, and feeling a bit sorry for myself, and I told her that it wasn't going to happen that night. Why I didn't just do it, or tell her I was just to tired and ask if we could just cuddle that night and play another night I don't know, idiocy on my part I suppose is the best explanation. She was upset, and left the room, I didn't follow her and try to talk to her at that point, I just tried to go to sleep, more idiocy on my part.
I asked Ms Exotic to take the lead in our marriage, I am happy that she has done so, but I lost sight of that when I was placed under such stress. I didn't ask her to only lead when things were going well, stress was low, and I was getting plenty of sleep. She was still leading, but I stopped following.
Things are going better now, I am trying to let work get to me less, to make more time for us, and to not allow myself to get so stressed out. I am also trying to keep my priorities in order and not allow life's challenges to overwhelm me.
