Long absence

I apologize for being gone from here so long.  There have been some huge changes in my life over the last nine months or so.  I am not sure yet if I will be very active posting her again or not.  There is much I could share here, I'm just not sure if I'm ready for that or not. 

In the meantime, I would like to let those of you who come here know that the website I am involved with Men Submit has a whole new look.  I hope you will go check it out, and I hope that you will find it to your liking.  We have several podcasts out now, you can get them directly from Men Submit, or from Itunes. 

Today I thought I would copy the most recent blog I had posted on Men Submit.

Submissive; know thyself.

Ladies and gentlemen of the FLR world, what I am about to write is probably going to offend and/or piss some of you off.  I am sorry for that, but I think that this needs to be said.  More than just said, it needs to be considered, discussed, mulled over, and (I hope) acted upon.

Before we offer our self to another in a power exchange relationship, including but not limited to a female led relationship, it is vitally important that we know ourselves. This is equally true for both the dominant and the submissive, but in this blog I am going to concentrate on the submissive, because honestly I think we subs have more difficulty facing who we really are.  It is important that, before you give yourself to another, you are aware of what you are giving them.  It is critically important that you are honest with this person you are offering yourself to, and to do that you must be brutally honest with yourself.

It’s important also to realize that we are living, breathing, (hopefully) thinking creatures, and that we are going to be changing over time, but we must be honest with ourselves about who we are, and what we want, at the time that we offer our life to another in a power exchange relationship.

Guys, before we get into these questions, please close the porn windows.  If your horny; go jack off.  You need to consider these questions with a clear mind, and a flaccid dick.

Perhaps the most basic, most important, and (unfortunately for many men) the most difficult question is:  Am I truly submissive? 

With absolutely no scientific data to back this up, nothing really to offer other than observations by myself and others I have talked with over the years, I am going to offer up the wild assed guess that approximately 95% of the men out there who identify as submissive are actually bottoms.

I suppose that since I am throwing these terms out there, I should offer some definition.  Please understand that this is simply my definition for purposes of getting my point across in this blog.

Submissive:  For our purposes here we are going to consider a submissive to be someone who consensually, and willingly allows a dominant to lead them in life.  The submissive follows the dominant not just in the bedroom, not just in a kinky sex scene, not just until he cums, but endeavours to follow in all agreed upon aspects of their life.

Bottom:  We are going to define a bottom as someone who enjoys bottoming, or playing the role of the “submissive” in kinky situations.  This is someone who may enjoy being paddled or pegged, who may even enjoy being ordered to wash the dishes today, but who is not going to find pleasure in washing those dishes every day for the next ten years. 

Gentlemen, it is really important that you take a good hard look at yourself, be brutally honest, and figure out if you are a submissive or a bottom.  One is not better than the other, but they are quite different, and it’s going to be very important for your future happiness that you know which you are. 

Do you really want to give up control of your life?  Are you really willing to follow another, even if it’s not sexy?  Are you willing to do something your really don’t want any part of just because she desires it?  Are you still willing to do that thing even after you’ve ejaculated? 

If you are only submissive as long as she is asking you to do something you already want to do, because it turns you on, or until you have cum, then you are probably a bottom.

Once you have discovered whether you are truly submissive, or a bottom, it’s important that you communicate that clearly with potential partners.  A bottom is not going to be happy trying to fill the role of a submissive.  A submissive is not going to be fulfilled playing the role of a bottom.  In neither case is a dominant going to be happy with a partner who is out of their element, and ultimately both partners are likely to end up unhappy.

If you are a bottom embrace it!  Honestly, I think it is likely going to be easier for a bottom to find a woman who is willing to indulge in kinky sex play while sharing a more egalitarian relationship, than for a submissive to find a woman who is willing to take on the responsibility of being the leader and dominant partner in a relationship. 

If you have decided that you are a submissive then there are a few other questions you should  consider  before you are ready to enter a relationship.

1.       Do you have a genuine desire to serve?  Being submissive and having a genuine desire to serve do not always go hand in hand.  For example, some submissives are drawn more to the control aspects of a power exchange relationship.  Again one way is not better than the other, but it’s important you know what draws you to this type of relationship and that you find a partner who is compatible with your needs.

2.       Are you ready to commit to a relationship?  Relationships are not always easy, they require work from all parties involved.  Just as a vanilla relationship is not all wine and roses, a FLR is not all whips, and cuffs.  Life will get in the way.  There will be times when you will be pissed at each other.  There will be times when you think you have made a huge mistake.  Are you willing to be committed to your partner and to the relationship?  Are you willing to work through the difficult times?  If you are there will be plenty of great times as well.

3.       Are you ready to serve mindfully and in the present?  This something all s types should learn, and it is something that you can be trained for, but it’s a good idea to get a head start on this before you actually get into a relationship.  Learn to be mentally present in the here and now when you are serving.  Don’t be wondering if your dominant is going to paddle or cane you later.  Concentrate on serving them how they wished to be served in this moment.  Be mindful of how you can please them.  Learn their wants, needs, and desires. 

4.       Are you willing to grow and improve as a human being and as a submissive?  Being willing, and better yet eager, to become a better person and a better submissive is going to make you much more attractive as a submissive partner.  It is possible to get into a rut in a FLR just as it is in a vanilla relationship.  Finding ways to improve yourself will allow you to be a part of growing and improving your relationship as well.

I’m sure there are many more questions that we could come up with, but I hope that this will give those of you who are interested in pursuing a female led relationship a starting point.  Be sure that you know what you want, and try to be sure you are ready to fulfil your part in a relationship.  Once you know yourself your chances of successfully finding a FLR are going to be greatly improved.

 

Jealousy

Domalicious was discussing our cuckolding situation with one of her friends recently and the friend was having difficulty understanding how I could deal with jealousy.  Domalicious was unable to explain it to her, so she asked me to give it some thought and try to explain it.  I thought that it would be a good topic for a blog post.

I am not sure if I can express what goes on in my head and heart as a cuckold, but I will make an attempt here.

I think that I should begin by saying that, while I do experience jealousy when being cuckolded, it is generally a rather mild emotion.  Certainly not something that overwhelms me.

Perhaps more interesting is the fact that I do not necessarily find jealousy to be a negative emotion.  With a couple of exceptions the jealousy I have experienced has actually been a turn on for me.  I suppose that jealousy such as this is one of my "triggers" as a submissive.  I am not sure what the genesis of this "trigger" is, but I have had cuckold desires and fantasies since my early teens.  Perhaps I was born wired this way, or perhaps something I was exposed to started me down this path, I cannot say which.

As I said above the jealousy I experience is usually not an overwhelming emotion.  I believe that there a few things that keep the jealousy mild.

First is that I feel that Domalicious and I have a very strong marriage.  I know her love for me is very powerful, and I do not think that is going to change just because she has sex with another man.

Secondly, I have come to the realization that even if Domalicious falls in love with another man it does not mean that she will love me less.  Love is not a finite thing.  It is not like she must take a portion of love from me in order to give it to another man, or woman for that matter.

Third, a large part of my desire to be cuckolded is so that Domalicious can experience more pleasure in her life.  I wish her to enjoy sexual experiences that I am not equipped, in one way or another, to give her.  I wish for her to get the most joy and pleasure out of this life possible, I believe that she deserves it.  Jealousy just does not come into play with this part of the cuckolding experience.

Fourth, most of the men she has, or has considered, cuckolding me with offer something very different from what I give her.  Most have not been submissive.  They are not going to give themselves to her in the same way that I have.  They are not going to offer her the same love, devotion, service, etc that I give her.  With the non-submissive men I don't feel the same competitiveness that I have with the few other subs that she has considered.

Fifth, I believe that I am an emotional masochist.  I somehow get turned on by the jealousy and humiliation I experience as a cuckold.  I am not sure how or why I react in such a way to these experiences, but it is definitely a sexual and submissive trigger for me.  We are all different, perhaps I am more different than most, but somehow for me these emotions that are such negatives for most people turn me on and make me happy.

There have been a few times I have felt overwhelming jealousy.

Usually this has been when she was considering other subs.  In these cases it has generally been triggered by her comparing the other sub to me, and finding me lacking.  I do have an ego, and I am just a tiny bit competitive.  It was very difficult to deal with having another submissive please her more than I.  When this has happened I have fortunately just buckled down and tried harder to be more pleasing to her.  I try to remember that I should put her happiness first, and not allow my ego to rule me.  This is not as easy to put into practice as it is to put into words.

The one time I experienced overwhelming jealousy of a non-submissive man was when she developed very strong feelings very quickly for a dominant man.  She submitted to him very quickly, and was experiencing very powerful feelings for this man.  Things moved so quickly that I had a difficult time processing everything.  It took a little time for me to come to terms with the jealousy I experienced in this situation.  I had to spend a lot of time thinking about what I was feeling.  Domalicious and I also kept communicating, and she was very good about reassuring me that she loved me and that her feelings for me had not changed as she developed new feelings toward this man.  I also had some good talks with AlphaDomme at this time, and she helped me work through my negative feelings.

I do think that is a good idea to have someone who know you well that you can talk with when negative feelings come along in a cuckolding situation.  AlphaDomme has been a great listener and has give me terrific council during my journey.

I hope that this will perhaps help others to understand why I am able to enjoy the cuckolding experience so much.  The combination of my desire for my wife to be as happy as possible and my pleasure in the emotions I experience make it an absolutely wonderful experience for me.

Having fun!

We had a terrific time at our first San Diego Munch.  We met some great people.  It was so much fun to able to talk about our lives and our kinks with others who understand.  It was a fun and inclusive group.  I am excited about having another Munch soon.  Domalicious and I will talk it over and try to get one scheduled.

Things have been pretty crazy around here lately.  Domalicious is up to her eyeballs in men and she is loving it.  She has reconnected with some men from her past and connected with some new guys.  One of the new guys she has taken on as a sub.  I have been loving it as well, it makes me very happy to see her enjoying herself so much.

I had a talk with Domalicious today, a free talk, where I am allowed to speak about things without worrying about topping from the bottom or getting in trouble otherwise.  I told Domalicious that I have been feeling more like her sissy and that I wanted to move more in that direction as her sub.  It went well, she understood, and even took me shopping for panties today.  I got several new pairs of panties, very pretty and girly.  I'm so excited about it.  It was fun shopping for them she was pretty open about it.  She was asking what size I needed and if I liked this pair or that pair better.  I ended up getting an erection in the aisle as we were choosing them.

I also talked with her about shaving my nether regions again.  She had me stop shaving a while back, she knows I dislike having hair there.  I knew she was playing with and testing me.  She told me she was very pleased that I had not said anything about it, that I had just accepted it.  She also told me that I had earned a reward.  I don't know yet what the reward will be, but just having her pleased with me was great.  She said I will be hairless there again soon.  I am not entirely sure when that will be, or what it means.  She has mentioned waxing and the epillator so I am worried that it may be a bit painful getting rid of that hair.  At this point I am ready for even that though.  I really hate having that hair.  I would love to completely hairless below the neck, but the hair in the groin area bothers me particularly.

We also went shopping for some new adult toys, butt plugs, a dildo for her strap-on harness that will penetrate us both, a cock ring, and some nipple jewelry.  Can't wait to play with the new goodies!

Men Submit Munch

The details for our Men Submit Southern California Munch have been set.  The munch will be held this Friday, June 6th, at 6:00pm in Carlsbad, CA.  You can find details at Men Submit under the events section.  Please RSVP on Men Submit if you would like to attend.  AlphaDomme, Domalicious and myself will be attending, we look forward to meeting others in the SoCal area interested in FLRs.  Hope to see you there!

Punishment and planning a Munch

I've had quite a busy weekend.  I had got in some trouble over forgetting to hang Domalicious' laundry on the line to dry, so as punishment I was required to completely clean and organize the laundry room.  The laundry room had kind of got away from us over the past year and a half since Domalicous got hurt, so it was a pretty big job.  Domalicious also wanted the bath that is next to the laundry room cleaned, this wasn't required as part of my punishment, but I thought I would take it on as well since they are attached.  It was quite a job, I of course still had plenty of ther things I needed to take care of as well so I was kept quite busy.  Domalicious will be inspecting things sometime today, I hope that it will pass.


We are also working on putting a Men Submit munch together in the San Diego area, it will probably be held July 6th or 7th.  Keep an eye on the events section of Men Submit if you are interested in attending, it should be fun.


Sooo....The paragraphs above were a blog that I had written and submitted to Domalicious for approval on Monday.  I am requred to get approval from Domalicious before posting any blogs.  The above was not approved by Domalicious, I will copy what she told me below, I thought that it might interest readers to see a bit of our dynamic at work, then again perhaps it will not interest readers at all. hahaha


Domalicious said:


"A little sparse.  No mention of how you felt serving me, punishment, pain, fulfillment, etc.  You may NOT publish.  Work some more baby"


So here we go, I will see if I can address her concerns here.


To be honest, when she saw that I had not hung her laundry up and she was upset with me, I was pretty unhappy.  I was upset with myself, mostly, for not having remembered.   However, I was also upset with her for getting after me.  I had had a rough few days, life was getting to me in a big way, and I was not dealing with it well.  I felt like I badly needed a break, like there was too much being put on me, and that it was not that big a deal if I forgot to hang her damn laundry up.  After all I could always rewash it and hang it up the next morning.  That was part of what was going through my head, not something I am proud of, but it's the truth.  There was other stuff going through my head as well though.  That was the part that liked how she was holding me accountable and how she was going to punish me for not doing what she had told me to do.


Initially the punishment was going to be that I would have to sleep that night, on the floor, in the laundry room. I am kind of proud that I accepted my punishment graciously,. and was willing to take it like a good sub.  Domalicious was merciful to me though, she knew I was past the point of exhaustion and desperately in need of sleep, so she changed the punishment to cleaning and organizing the laundry room and even gave me through the weekend to get it done.


I was grateful; for the modification, and just a bit disappointed.  It's funny but in a way I was looking forward to the discomfort of the original punishment.


Well, I worked all weekend.  I still had to do all the other stuff I normally do as well, and I think did a pretty good job.  It was hard work, and hot.  The laundry room is on the end of the house and the air conditioner has very little effect on it, so that was a bit miserable at times.  It was also quite an undertaking since it had not really been cleaned in ages.  I enjoyed the work for the most part, it kind of re-enforced my submission to Domalicious.  Between that re-enforcement and getting a bit of rest, I am in a better place mentally again (although my stability in that better place may be a bit precarious yet).


Unfortunately there were kids around while I was working so I couldn't be naked.  I couldn't even wear a maids outfit.  There were no nipple clamps involved, not butt plug, and Domalicious didn't stop by to paddle my behind even once, but it was supposed to be punishment after all.  Ah well, maybe someday.


So that is how things went, I am so glad that I have been able to get a little more rest and be in a somewhat better mental and emotional state.  To me that is one of the biggest struggles with our FLR.  When life gets in the way, as it has in a huge way for Domalicious and I over the past year and a half, I find it very difficult to keep a properly submissive attitude.  It is something I am working on, but I truly struggle when I become physically exhausted, it becomes so difficult to deal with the mental and emotional strain that I find myself under at those times.  These pressures don't come from our FLR but they certainly effect it.

Men Submit podcasts!

We now have podcasts available on the  Men Submit website (just click on "Podcasts" on the navigation bar near the top of the page), you can download them there or from ITunes.  There are four podcasts available so far, with more in the works.  Hope you will check them out.

A visit from AlphaDomme and betaboy.

It's been quite a while since I have updated this blog, but life has got in the way and I have had more important things that needed my attention.  Domalicious' recovery is continuing, we are keeping quite busy trying to get her well again.  Spring has sprung and that has kept me busy trying to maintain our little property, it is also a busy time of year for my work.  All in all we have been a bit overwhelmed and when I have had spare time I have just felt the need to relax and regroup a bit rather than maintain this blog.  I have not even had much time (or energy) to help with the Men Submit website, although I am trying to check in there regularly.  If things slow down somewhat I will try to be more regular with my updates here.

Domalicious and Master Have called it quits.  I will not go into details, if Domalicious wishes she can share regarding that.  I will say that neither of us have any regrets, it was a fantastic experience for us both.

The most exciting thing lately for us is a visit from AlphaDomme and betaboy.  It was great to see AlphaDomme again, and to meet betaboy.  For those of you who may not know I am married to and owned by Domalicious, who gave her best friend AlphaDomme ownership rights to me as well   It was very excited to be naked in front of both my owners last night and they were kind enough to give my behind a good warming with various toys.  They also had some fun with a T.E.N.S. unit attached to my privates, and there was a nipple pinching contest as well.  This was betaboys first experience serving the two of them together, they are both wonderful and creative Dommes on their own, but when they are together it is almost scary.  They have so much fun coming up with their little games, it was great fun to see how amused they were and how much fun they had teasing and playing with betaboy and I.

I would like to thank Domalicious and AlphaDomme, it was really great to have that play, and just to spend some time with them visiting and relaxing.  After all the stress and challenges I have been dealing with lately, the time with them and betaboy was just what I needed and the fact that I was able to be with both my owners made it much more special for me.

Been busy

It has been a while since I posted a blog, once again life gets in the way.  It seems difficult to find the time to write, and when I have had time I have not felt like writing.  Domalicious gave me a smack on the behind though and told me I needed to update my blog, so I will do my best.

I am not going to say much about Domalicious and Master in this post.  They have been working through some issues in their relationship.  They seem to be getting things worked out, I am happy for them and I do hope that they will be able to continue to find ways so that both their needs will be met.

Domalicious continues to recover, it is a long, slow process.  She gets frustrated at times, between pain, and just not being able to do the things she wants to do.  I think she is making remarkable progress, but Domalicious is not exactly known for her patience.

I thought I would write about the play session Domalicious and I had last night.  She was chatting with Master online, and she had me fingering Master's pussy.  She told me to go get her strap-on and put it on.  She and master got on webcam and she had me fuck her while Master watched.  I went at her pretty hard, in a couple different positions.  Master seemed to enjoy the show, he was stroking his cock as he watched.  Domalicious then sent me to the corner, I could hear her and Master talking as he stroked until he came.

After master went to bed Domalicious played with me a bit more.  She pinched and twisted my nipples until they were quite tender, teased and tortured pinky and my balls a bit, and then gave me a good whipping with the rawhide quirt.  It was a reward whipping since I had been behaving fairly well.  She would whip me until I asked her for a moment to re-group, allow me to rest until I was ready for more, and then whip me more.  She would ask if I wanted the next set harder, lighter, or the same.  I asked for harder each time, we both wanted me to be marked.  I was quite tender after it was all done, but unfortunately didn't retain any marks today.  I wish I would bruise easier, or that I was stronger and could take a harder beating, because I thought she was really smacking me and was sure I would have some marks this morning.  I will just have to try to be stronger next time.

So worth it.

Domalicious is with Master today, I am so happy for her.  I chatted online with her a while ago, she said she was happy and having lots of fun.  I hope that they will both enjoy their time together.  I wish I could be with them, but this is their time.  Domalicious said that Master was sending me some pictures to taunt me, I am so looking forward to seeing them

While this all pushes my masochistic buttons and turns me on, what I want most out of this cuckolding relationship is for Domalicious to be happy.  I love the way she lights up when I come home, and I love the way she lights up when she sees her Master, or even when she is chatting with him online.  It gives me such joy that Master is able to give her those things that I cannot and that she is able to experience so much pleasure and joy.  Master can give her many gifts that I cannot, I can give her many gifts that Master cannot, and I believe that Domalicous deserves all these gifts.

In turn Domalicious shares many gifts and her heart with both Master and I.  I have said it before and I will say it again, Master and I are very lucky men.

As for my heart, it is exclusively Domalicious'.  It belongs to her and her alone.  Master owns me, and I like and respect Master very much, but my heart belongs to Domalicious.  AlphaDomme owns me as well, Domalicious has given her partial ownership rights over me.  I love AlphaDomme, she is wonderful, but my heart belongs to Domalicious.

There was someone who commented on a blog I had posted on Men Submit who said they felt sad for me.  The blog was about Master and Domalicious' relationship, and how it made me feel in the beginning, how hard it was for me at first to share Domalicious' heart, and  how I was growing as a sub because of it.  I sure don't want anyone to feel sad for me.  The intensity of my feelings have caused me to struggle at times in the early part of this relationship, but it has caused me to grow and learn so much as well.  It has given me so much joy as I have discovered new depths of love and submission to my wife, and seen my wife make new discoveries about herself and us as well.  I feel that this relationship has been a great journey, and I am excited to continue forward.

Cuckolding is obviously not for everyone, but for a few of us it is enlightening, joyful, and fulfilling.  It is not always easy to make a journey like this.  It can be very difficult and even a bit scary to break down your emotions and really look closely at them, but for me it is worth it, oh so worth it.

some humiliation last night

Unfortunately Domalicious ended up not feeling well enough to meet Master the other evening, she was quite sad about that.  She is still recovering and has bad days and better days, but it seems she is making progress.

Master and Domalicious played with me a bit last night, and Master directed me to post about it here.  It was quite a humiliating experience, and of course having to post about it here is even more humiliating.

Domalicious had told me yesterday morning that Master had decided that they would play with me a bit in the evening.  She told me that my sissy hole would be fucked, and that I would be allowed to put pinky in Master's pussy.  Of course, even though I was very tired all day, I was very excited thinking about both those things.  I love having my ass fucked, and have been sooo missing being inside Domalicious.  By evening I was very wound up.

Domalicious and Master were chatting online, when Domalicious had me get undressed and lay on the bed beside her.  She told me to start stroking pinky, and asked me what I wanted to put in my sissy hole.  I really wanted to try this big white dildo we have, but Domalicious thought it was too soon for me to try something that big.  I ended up with the small vibrator she had used on me last time, it felt so good.  I love having my sissy hole filled, it excites me so much.  I was laying there edging pinky, with that vibrator going at full speed in my sissy hole, when Master and Domalicious decided it was time for the real humiliation to begin.

Domalicious turned on her webcam, and got it situated so that Master could see us.  I was supposed to stick pinky inside her, she wanted Master to see how pathetic I am at intercourse.  Well pinky was not being very cooperative.

I am not sure what it is, but I have a hard time getting pinky hard when Master is watching.  I get very excited, pinky will be dripping precum like crazy, but he doesn't seem to want to get hard.  Domalicious thinks he is intimidated by Master's big cock, which may be the case.  I was so excited that I was on the edge of cumming without even getting hard, that was extremely humiliating.  I could see Master laughing and shaking his head.  Domalicious even sucked on pinky a bit, something that very rarely happens, but that didn't help, I was still on the verge of cumming without being hard.  Finally she gave pinky and my balls a good hard swat, and that did the trick, he got hard.

Domalicious moved so I could enter her, and I was able to make about two feeble strokes inside her before I came with her and Master both laughing at me.  It was a very intense orgasm for me, I still had the vibrator in my sissy hole, and I was so humiliated to have Master watching.

I licked my cum out of Master's pussy, well most of it, there was some on the bed as well which she had me lick up.  It was all very humiliating, Master and Domalicious were both laughing at me, and joking about how quickly I came.

Domalicious had me put some nipple clamps on, and one of her night gowns.  She told me to go clean the vibrator and put it away.  After I had done that she had me remove the nipple clamps, and when Master excused me sent me off to bed in her nighty.  She gave me a kiss and told me that she loves her sissy.

It was all very exciting to me, and I am feeling very sub this morning even though I was allowed to cum last night.

Thank you sooo much Master for allowing me to put pinky inside your pussy, I know my performance was pathetic, but it did feel so very good to be allowed inside my wife again.  I am very grateful

I have a few marks.

Domalicious did give me a bit more whipping last night, and she was able to mark me a bit, hooray!  She was webcamming with Master, and wanted to show him her rawhide quirt and allow him to see it in action on me.  She placed me where Master could watch over the webcam.  She gave me a few good hard swats, and then asked me how hard a swat I could handle on a scale of one to ten.  I told her an eight, which she gave me.  She asked again, and I told her a nine, she gave me a nine, and Domalicious does hit hard.  It was great for me but unfortunately it hurt her shoulder a bit so that was the end of the whipping.  She did leave some nice marks though, so I am very happy about that, I hope she is as well.  Poor Domalicious though, I got a heating pad on her shoulder, and some pain killers.  She is doing better this morning, but obviously she is not quite up to whipping that hard yet.

Master and Domalicious are going to see each other tonight, I am quite excited.  I won't be allowed to be with them, but I am happy that they will have some time together at least.  Domalicious has been missing her Master.

Deeper submission.

I had a really intense experience last night at the hands of Domalicious and I am experiencing some really powerful emotions from it.

I think that I should explain first that there have been some changes in how Domalicious relates to me since she has submitted to Master.  This seems to be a result of her experiencing being a sub.  Since she is now a sub herself she has a whole new perspective on what a sub feels and goes through.  She has become more outwardly dominant towards me, or perhaps I should say more demonstrably dominant.  Things that she used to find somewhat silly and be bothered by, such as some of the D/s protocol, she is now embracing and expecting from me.  I like these changes very much, but it is definitely an adjustment for me.  I am having to sort of re-learn what she expects from me.  She has also been disciplining me more physically, which of course I love.

Last night she had me lay across the bed, she had the rawhide quirt in her hand, and I thought "alright a nice whipping will feel great right now."  She didn't say anything but just all of a sudden started whipping me very hard.  There was no warm up, she didn't say I was being punished for anything, she just started smacking that thing across my ass freaking hard.  Now it wasn't as hard as she is capable of, but it was definitely beyond my comfort level at that point.

I didn't understand why she was hitting me so hard, I thought I must have really screwed something up, and I became very upset.  I took the beating as best I could, but I started crying and trying to tell her I didn't understand.  After a bit, it seemed like forever, she asked me how many more I could take.  In my head I was thinking no more, but I just was crying and telling her I didn't understand.  She asked if I wanted twenty five, or three, or zero, or how many more I thought I could take.  I told her five more which she gave to me.

At this point the tears were really flowing and I was trying to tell her that I didn't understand.  She came down on the bed next to me and held me and told me she loved me.  She stroked me and held me and then explained that she was marking me as her property, that she wanted my bottom to carry her mark.  At that point I felt badly that I hadn't asked for more.

I have still been very emotional today, I was really confused while she was whipping me.  I was so upset thinking that I must have done something really bad to make her or Master angry enough that she would whip me like that.  Then, when I found out why she was doing it, I felt badly that I hadn't taken more.

I am still not sure what to make of this, it was just so intense.  It has made me feel very submissive today, and very needy, I can't get enough of hugging and holding Domalicious.  I am proud that I stayed there, behaved myself, and took the whipping like a good sub.  I wish I had understood from the beginning what she was doing, but that was a part of it I suppose, in a way a test of my submission to her.

Anyway, it was a very intense experience for me, the bad news is I still didn't really mark.  I do have a couple small bruises, but not what she was hoping for.  I have never bruised easily, so hopefully she will try again soon, maybe tonight, and if so I will hopefully better understand what is happening and not get so emotional and upset about it.

I am a contented sub.

Domalicious gave me a lovely time last night, after which I was able to get a decent nights sleep, this makes me a very happy sub this morning.

Domalicious gave me very nice beating last night.  She warmed me up very well, and used several different implements on me.  I am not at all sure what she used, I know she used a dressage whip, my belt, her hand, there were some other things as well, but I am not sure what.  I was just laying with my face down enjoying things, trying not to squirm too much, and trying to be somewhat quiet so I didn't see what else was used.  It was truly lovely and something I was really in need of.

After the beating she used a dildo on my sissy hole.  That was sooo nice, and something she has not done before.  I am not new to having my sissy hole fucked.  That was a big part of my training with the woman I belonged to before I met Domalicious, but it has been over ten years since I had been fucked, I missed it.  It felt so good.  I am obviously out of training though, I thought she was using a fairly large dildo, but afterward I saw it it was one of the smallest we have.  I was a bit surprised that it had made me feel so full, since at one time I was able to take a fist in my behind.

When Domalicious was done playing with me I was allowed to stimulate and finger Master's pussy.  So nice...I so love making my wife feel good and after all the play she had given me it was even more special.

When all the play was done Domalicious sent me to the other room to sleep and I was able to sleep a good six hours.  Sleep has been a bit hard to come by around here lately so that was a special treat as well.

Thank you Miss for everything last night, I am very grateful; and I am a very contented sub.

Happy St Patrick's Day!

I finally managed to get some rest last night!!!  It is so nice, I am still not truly rested, but am so much better than I have been the past week or two.  Domalicious is recovering, still has quite a bit of pain, but we have hope now.

As I mentioned in my last post I am no longer allowed intercourse with Domalicious, I am finding that this is an  interesting situation.  I want so much to be able to put pinky inside her, to feel her around me, to be one with her in that way.  I miss that very much.  However it also brings out feelings in me that I love.

I feel so deeply submitted to Master and Domalicious.  Knowing that her pussy belongs to him, and that I am not allowed inside it anymore makes me feel so owned.  It is incredibly erotic in a way.  I am also getting to do some lovely oral worship, and that is just so fantastic.  I have always loved to worship her pussy and now it is even more erotic for me knowing that it is Master's pussy and that his big cock has been inside it, and will be again, is so exciting to me.  I am so looking forward to seeing him fuck his pussy again and I hope that I will be allowed to lick his cum from it once more.

While I still feel jealous at times I am managing it much better.  The jealousy seems to be a good thing now, it is exciting in its own way, and I think it helps keep me more aware of just how lucky I am to be Domalicious' husband and sub.  The jealousy still hurts somewhat, but it is not like it was a few weeks ago when I was afraid that Master might take over Domalicious' heart and that she might not love me as much anymore.  Now I am feeling more comfortable that even though she loves Master there is always a special place in her heart for me.  He is her Master and her real man, but I will always be her subhub.

Busy week.

It has been a very busy week, and I am exhausted so I am just going to write a short update here.

Master and Domalicious were able to spend a few hours together this past week.

Domalicious went into the hospital a few days for a surgery that went well.  She is home now and on the mend, I am doing the best I can to take care of her.  I've not managed much sleep the past 4-5 days, and been stressed of course with her in the hospital.  Hopefully I will be able to get some rest at some point and I can catch up here a little better.

Master has decided that I am not allowed any form of intercourse with Domalicious now.  I am allowed to pleasure her orally, but pinky is not allowed inside her.  This is sad and exciting to me at the same time, I think it will be difficult for me over time.

Domalicious is considering having pinky pierced, a prince albert, with a lock placed through the piercing.  She seems to be very serious about this, so we will see, I am excited and nervous about it at the same time.

Sorry for the rather dry update, but exhaustion is taking it's toll, so I will stop here.

Keeping busy.

This week has been a very busy one so far.  Mostly I have been busy at work unfortunately, I wish I could have been more busy serving Master and Domalicious.  My desire to serve Master and Domalicious is just off the charts, it consumes me at times.  Master and Domalicious have not been able to see each other this week, they were hoping to do so, but my work got in the way and I was not able to drive her.  They chat a lot, and talk on the phone occasionally but it is not the same.  I know Domalicious is missing her Master.

Other than being over tired I am doing well.  I have not been experiencing any jealousy to speak of, and have just been really happy that I belong to Master and Domallicious.  Domalicious has been really good to me this week.  She has let me wear my collar to bed twice so far, that is a treat for me.  I love to wear my collar and hope that someday soon I will have a less obvious collar that I can wear 24/7.

Domalicious surprised me last night by telling me that she is considering having pinky pierced, a prince albert piercing I believe, and placing a lock through it as a chastity device.  That is very exciting to me, I would love to be locked like that.

I am finding that I am wanting more and more to be marked in some way as her, and Master's, sub.  I think that it is partly because she belongs to Master now and I want a physical, tangible reminder that I am still her's.  There are some other reasons as well, Domalicious is facing a health challenge, I am sure that she will be fine, but there is some worry for me there.  I believe those are the reasons why I so want a 24/7 collar, and why the idea of being pierced in that way is so exciting to me.  Of course, being me, the idea of having pinky locked up, and Master controlling the key and my access to my wife seems pretty hot.

Domalicious used my new paddle on me last night, that was so great.  I'm not sure if I mentioned it here or not, but Domalicious gave me a Maori war club for Valentines Day.  It is beautiful, and is a fantastic spanking implement.  I will try to post a picture of it here.  It was so nice to be paddled last night, I feel so much like I am hers when she disciplines me.

Things are going well.

Everything continues to go well with me, I am feeling more and more comfortable with Domalicious' submission to Master.  I think I am learning some things about submission, and about myself.  My submission is deepening, and I am falling further in love with my wife and owner.  My comfort level and acceptance with Master being the Alpha in this relationship is growing, I feel like this is a good fit for me as a sub.  I believe that there will be difficult times for me still, but I think I am coming to a better understanding of my jealousy and I hope that I will be able to deal with it better in the future.

I was thinking about my jealousy today, and about the difference between this relationship and the cuckolding relationships Domalicious and I have experienced in the past.  The big difference this time is the feelings that Domalicious has for Master.  None of the men that she played with in the past brought out such strong feelings in her.  There was one man she cared for, but Master is the first man she has loved.  I realized that in the past I have shared Domalicious' body with other men, but this time I am sharing her heart as well.  I have found that sharing her heart is much more difficult for me than sharing her body, but the past few days I have begun to really embrace this part of her relationship with Master.  It makes me happy that Master can be for her what I cannot, and that she can experience this depth of feeling and emotion with him.

As I have come to embrace the feelings that Domalicious has for Master my submission to, and desire for, her has grown incredibly.  We seem to be growing closer and closer.  As my submission grows so does my vulnerability, and I am finding that I like that feeling.  I feel like Domalicious holds my very being in her hand. My body, my mind, my heart, all of me is hers.  I wish to be in her presence every minute of every day, and when I am I wish to be naked, not just my body, but my heart as well.

I suppose that what I have written above may seem strange to most people, but the intensity of my feelings of submission to my wife are almost overwhelming, and I just don't know how else to describe it.

Along with Domalicious' and Master's relationship, and the emotions that it has brought forth in me, is a need for reassurance from Domalicious.  I suppose that I should not need so much reassurance, but I do.  I need to be close to Domalicious, I love to just touch her, rub her back or feet, or to just sit holding her and smell her hair or skin.  I have also been feeling the need to have something tangible to remind me of her, and her ownership of me, when I cannot be with her.  We have discussed in the past coming up with something, perhaps a necklace that I can wear as a collar.  I think that she is going to give me something like that soon and I am very excited about it.

The gifts of life.

The past couple of days have gone pretty well for me.  I have had a few jealous moments, and I have been a bit sensitive about my status a time or two, but all in all I am feeling very good about things.  This is an incredible experience, and I am truly glad to be a part of it.  I cannot really find words to express how this all makes me feel, but I would not want it any other way.

As a masochistic sub I am absolutely in heaven.  This experience seems to be deepening my submission in a profound way.  Perhaps with time I will be able to better express what I am feeling.  I live and breathe Domalicious right now.  She is my reason for being.  It is so hard for me to be away from her right now, not all due to her relationship with Master, but that is certainly a big part of it.  When I am home I just want to be with her, and I mean with her.  I want to be touching her, or as near her as I can be.  I love my work, and enjoy going out and doing other things, but honestly right now I would much rather be with her every minute of every day.  I have been afraid that I may be getting too clingy for her, but she has assured me that I am not, and that she is enjoying the level of attention I am giving her.

The jealousy and sensitivity I experience at times can be really hard to deal with.  I am finding this arises mostly when I am tired and/or stressed.  I get a bit fragile then and things that wouldn't bother me at other times can really hurt me.  I am beginning to believe though that even this occasional emotional pain is good in its own way.  I am finding that I have a love/hate relationship with this pain just as I do with the pain of a whip or cane.  There are times when I just feel like crying, and I am not a crying kind of guy.  Somehow though I think that this pain is not all bad.  Again this is all so new to me and I really can't express how it makes me feel yet.

I do believe that this emotional pain is going to be a part of a cuckolding relationship such as the one we are currently engaged in, and I would definitely not recommend that such a relationship be entered into lightly.  Domalicious and I are experienced with cuckolding, but we have definitely taken it to a new level with this current situation.I am coming to love it more and more though.

Sometimes I wonder what it is that makes me the way I am.  Why do I crave this pain.  Why do I get so excited being humiliated by my wife and her Master.  Of course a big part of my enjoyment of this is knowing that Domalicious loves me so much.  The pain that she inflicts on me is inflicted with love, it is just a different way of loving from what is considered the "norm".

I love this pain as well because it is something that I can suffer for Domalicious.  It is a way for me to show her my love.  I can give this to her as a gift and as a sign of my devotion.  I love to see how happy she is with Master, and even though it may make me jealous at times it also gives great joy.

Of course most of this experience is not painful at all, instead it is erotic and incredibly hot, if you are a masochistic sub that is.  Actually I don't think I would have to be a masochistic sub to enjoy seeing how happy and fulfilled my wife is.  Master gives Domalicious much that I am not able to give her, and it makes me incredibly happy that she is able to enjoy all these gifts of life.

Last night Master and Domalicious were playing a bit on video chat over the computer and I was allowed to be in the room with Domalicious.  It was so exciting for me to see how turned on she is by Master and the joy she is finding in being his sub.  Of course when she gets so turned on it is good for me since I am the one there with her and Master is being generous in allowing her to play with me quite a bit.

She was posing for Master last night over the video chat, and they were talking, they were teasing and humiliating me as well.  They teased me about how small pinky is and how well Master is endowed.  Master made a joke, I can't remember just what it was, but something about how pinky could not even fill a thimble, which just cracked Domalicious up.  It was so hot for me to hear her laughing at his joke, and at me, like that.

Domalicous wanted to show Master her favorite spanking implement, the rawhide quirt I have mentioned before here.  She showed it to Master and then had me lay across the bed and gave me a few stripes with it.  She must have wanted to impress Master because she put a lot of energy into them, I have some pretty good marks still.  I will post the picture of the quirt again below, it is a vicious thing when Domalicious wishes it to be.

After they were done Master gave her permission for me to worship his pussy.  It was so wonderful, she used her queening stool and allowed me to worship her.  While I was worshiping she was reminding me that it is Master's pussy now, and that I had better be sure to thank Master for allowing me to worship it.

We cuddled afterward and it was such a wonderful feeling to be her sub.  I was and am so happy that I belong to her.

Her sub, her sissy, her boy.

Since Domalicious and Master became a couple I have been feeling more sub than ever before.  I have discussed it with Domalicious and tried to explain to her that I feel almost like a sissy, not the dress up in a french maid outfit kind of sissy, just less like a "real man".  I fell more like her sub, her boy, her sissy, and I think that I understand why now.  I am not sure why I didn't understand it better before because it seems so obvious, I suppose I have just been so overwhelmed by things of late that I just didn't get it.

I think that the reason I feel more like her sissy now is that she has a real man in Master.  She does not need me to try to fill that roll for her now.  In the past I have always tried to be her real man as well as her sub.  I was not always (perhaps ever) very successful at it, but I did try.

Other than romantically I was, and still am, her real man.  I am her shoulder to lean on, her strong support, her partner in life.  Romantically we do share something very, very special, but I have never been good at being her "man".  I don't know if I am explaining this in a way that others can understand, but I think that Domalicious and perhaps AlphaDomme will.  I am not good at romance, I love Domalicious more than anyone else could possibly love her, but I just am not a romantic man, and in bed I am inadequate at intercourse.  I have always had to find other ways to please her sexually.

Even with the other cuckolding situations we have been involved with, none really fulfilled this need for Domalicious.  A couple of them were great sexually, but they still were not able to be her "real man".  She did not have the feelings for them like she does for Master and so I don't think that they could possibly have met her needs.

Now that Domalicious belongs to Master she is getting many of her romantic and sexual needs fulfilled by him.  Master is her "real man", and I am able to just be free to be her sub.  I can love and worship her as a sub more completely now, I am not trying to be something I am not.  I can make her feel like a Goddess, and Master can make her feel like his woman.  That was actually a little hard to write, because she is my woman as well, and I hope I make her feel like my woman, but it is in a different way from Master.  (Damn jealousy)

So now I can be Domalicious' sub, her sissy, her boy.  She is getting her need for a "real man" met by Master and so I am free to just be me.  This makes me very happy, I always have felt badly that I could not be the man that Domalicious needs in that way.  I have always felt like a bit of a failure when it came to being her man.  Now that I am able to just be who I am, I am being so much more romantic with her, I think that she is much happier with me.  It is a bit ironic, I am being romantic as her sissy/sub, while I could not be romantic as her man.  It is a little different kind of romance, but I think she likes it.

One man's Goddess is another man's slut.

I woke up this morning wanting Domalicious so desperately.  I desired her so much, I wanted to worship her, I wanted to hold her and to be held by her.  I love Domalicious with all my being, a look or a touch from her will cause me to shudder with joy and delight.  She is like a Goddess to me, she is my love.

To Master Domalicious is his sub, his toy, his slut.  I know that she pleases him.  He cares about her very much, I have no idea the depth of his feelings for her, but I know her respects and cares for her very much.

I find it very interesting that Domalicious can be so happy, and is so good at, being both my Goddess and Master's slut at the same time.  She is such an incredible woman, Master and I are both very lucky men.